And now, an open letter to all you new grads. Congratulations. Good job. Way to go. Bet you thought this day would never come. And if memory serves, it probably almost didn’t. Anyhow, welcome to the real world. And please be aware that we use that term very loosely.
You’re going to love it out here. Might find it surprisingly similar to what you just left behind. Only different. For one thing: Sleeping through first hour is generally frowned upon. And alas, not as many keggers. Less pot as well. Unless you’re headed into investment banking.
Obviously, most of the advice you’ve gotten so far has been as predictable as Nat King Cole in an elevator while Christmas shopping at Macy’s. Surely you’ve been treated to all the cliches. “Winners never quit and quitters never win.” “Get up one more time than they knock you down.” “Nose and toes the same way goes.” Blah. Blah. Unrealistic optimistic idealistic balderdash. As helpful as a smiley face lapel pin on a Mylar balloon.
What you really need are tips that will shoot straight through all the bourgeois and cut to the chase. To tell it like it is. Guidance to help navigate the fjords of chaos that inevitably await where grown-ups interact. And you’ve come to the right place, because here they are. A goodly number of life-proven pieces of real world advice for today’s grads. Might not be what you want to hear but guaranteed to help. Well. Not going to hurt.
Will durst’s top tips for today’s grads.
When someone says “This is not about money,” it’s about money.
The five second rule does not apply to ballparks, bus stations or hospital waiting rooms.
No matter what you see in movies, overturned wooden tables are not adequate protection from assault weapons.