For the past 40 years or so, a movement has been afoot to make men more like women and women more like men. This movement has been successful. I cite exhibits A and B as proof: Cosmopolitan and Men’s Health magazines.
According to one past issue of Cosmopolitan, women are in a panic to “follow sexy strategies to ignite our desire.” But you ladies need not waste your time. We’re simple creatures. If you want to ignite the desire of normal men, just show up.
As for men who subscribe to Men’s Health, how did you become such dweebs? Why have you let your self-esteem get so low that, like women, you are obsessed with your weight and how you look in a swimsuit? Our fathers never cared how they looked in a swimsuit. They saw the value of a belly big enough to set a beer can on.
And, ladies, I know you’ve always been obsessed with your looks, but things are out of hand. You don’t need Cosmo for “pasty-face fixers.” You certainly don’t need advice on the “three ways to amplify your cleavage.” If you want us to notice your cleavage, to revisit an earlier point, just show up.
Both magazines devote more than half their print to sex. Men’s Health promises techniques to seduce women. Cosmo promises techniques to seduce men. In fact, so devoted are both magazines to this subject, you begin to wonder if the editors think we have any other need as humans.
And, of course, they don’t.
You see, ladies and gentlemen, we have let magazine publishers and advertisers beat us down for too long. They want us to feel fat, ugly and unwanted so that we will buy the lies, and the many useless products they advertise, to make ourselves feel better. It’s no mystery why we’ve become such shallow and pathetically helpless creatures, completely out of touch with what a man or a woman is really supposed to be.