Ad-Express and Daily Iowegian, Centerville, IA

CNHI/Southeast Iowa

December 7, 2012

Celebrities who deserve their own holiday specials

Earlier this week, an estimated 9 million Americans watched Blake Shelton cavorting with elves during his holiday special, "Blake Shelton's Not So Family Christmas." (If you missed it, NBC plans to re-broadcast it Dec. 14.)

While the sight of a "Voice" coach twangily yelling at a little person dressed as a roast turkey may not be a yuletide tradition — yet — the celebrity-helmed Christmas show is certainly a long-standing cornball custom popularized years ago by, among others, the late Andy Williams.

This year, we've seen variety shows from Shelton and his "Voice" colleague Cee Lo Green. A few years ago, we got one from Stephen Colbert. Given how many famous people are itchy for attention in our great, Santa Claus-worshipping nation, we're certain of one thing: There is more work to be done here.

So consider this list of celebrity holiday specials that really should exist but for some reason, do not.

"Santa Claus is Never Ever Ever Coming Back to Town: A Taylor Swift Christmas"

Swift starred in a self-promotional Thanksgiving night special two years ago but still hasn't hosted her own splashy, candy-cane-coated program. Given how much the girl loves the color red, it is a federal crime that this hasn't occurred.

I envision a music-filled hour in which she sings a couple of duets with a hot Santa's helper, and a bunch of break-up songs about how Santa totally dumped her. She can then stage a grand finale in which she reconnects with Santa, pulls off his beard and reveals him to be Harry Styles from the boy band One Direction, whom she is reportedly dating.

Why hasn't this already happened?

"A Wes Anderson Christmas"

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CNHI/Southeast Iowa
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The Iowegian wants readers to think about the 2014 Appanoose County Fair. It starts Monday and wraps up on Saturday with a demolition derby at 8 p.m. So, the question of the week is, "How many days do you plan to go to the Appanoose County Fair?

A. I plan to attend all six days.
B. I plan to attend five days.
C. I plan to attend four days.
D. I plan to attend three days.
E. I plan to attend two days.
F. I plan to attend one day.
G. I do not plan to go to the fair this year.
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