Ad-Express and Daily Iowegian, Centerville, IA


December 13, 2012

12 tips to help a grieving loved one during the holidays

CENTERVILLE — Many look forward to yearly traditions, gatherings with family and friends and the general good feelings associated with the holiday season.  However, for those who have lost a loved one during the past year, the holidays may call attention to their grief.  And often, friends and family members of those affected by a loss are unsure how to act or what to say to support their grieving loved one during the holidays.

Hospices are valuable community resources that help people who are struggling with grief and loss.  Local bereavement and spiritual care counselor Brian Hargrave with HCI Hospice Care Services emphasizes that friends and family members should never be afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, because making an effort and showing concern will be appreciated.

“Acknowledging loss — our own and that of others — is better than ignoring loss,” Hargrave said.

Hargrave suggests these 12 practical tips from The National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization:

1. Be supportive of the way the person chooses to handle the holidays. Some may wish to follow traditions; others may choose to change their rituals. There is no right way or wrong way to handle the holidays.

Offer to help the person with baking and/or cleaning. Both tasks can be overwhelming when someone is experiencing acute grief.

Offer to help him or her decorate for the holidays.

Offer to help with holiday shopping or give your loved one catalogs or suggest online shopping sites that may be helpful.

Help your loved one prepare and mail holiday cards.

Invite the person to attend a religious service with you and your family.

Invite your loved one to your home for the holidays.

Ask the person if he or she is interested in volunteering with you during the holiday season. Doing something for someone else, such as helping at soup kitchens or working with children, may help your loved one feel better about the holidays.

Donate a gift or money in memory of the person’s loved one. Remind the person that his or her special person is not forgotten.

Never tell someone that he or she should be “over it.” Instead, give the person hope that, eventually, he or she will enjoy the holidays again.

If he or she wants to talk about the deceased loved one or feelings associated with the loss, listen. Active listening from friends is an important step to helping him or her heal. Don’t worry about being conversational…. just listen.

Remind the person you are thinking of him or her and the loved one who died. Cards, phone calls and visits are great ways to stay in touch.

“In general, the best way to help those who are grieving during the holidays is to let them know you care,” Hargrave said.  “They need to be remembered, and they need to know their loved ones are remembered, too.”

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The Iowegian wants readers to think about the solicitation ordinance that will prevent groups or individuals from entering a roadway to solicit money. The Centerville City Council in June by a 5-0 vote passed the first reading of just such an ordinance. Public pressure and during a subsequent special meeting, the council voted 3-2 to table the ordinance. A second special meeting to discuss the solicitation ordinance is scheduled for 5:30 p.m. Thursday, Aug. 7 at City Hall. So, the question of the week is, "Do you or do you not support the ordinance to prevent solicitation of funds in city streets?"

A. I support the ordinance
B. I do not support the ordinance
C. Not sure
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